| Dear RISD application,
Go kill yourself.
<\3, Leah |
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| I'm flawed if I'm not free. |
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| My mind's kind of blank. I don't know how I feel about anything. Life's just kind of taking its course...I'm not really enjoying it.
I hate this feeling. This indifference. But I can't access a part of myself that enjoys life. I just have no idea what I'm looking for.
I whine all the time about wanting to go to art school, but I don't even care about that, I honestly just want to get the fuck out of here. Wherever it is. Well, that's not entirely true. I don't want to go just anywhere. I'd rather not go to Savannah ever again. New York would be nice. Parsons.
What the fuck am I talking about? Ugh. I wonder how empty I appear on the surface. I wonder if anyone thinks I have any substance. I'm usually pretty quiet, I don't wear makeup and my hair isn't very exciting, I daydream a lot. I wonder if it looks like I have an empty skull. I know exactly the type. I wonder what completely empty people do all day. I wonder how they have friends. I wonder what keeps them going. I wonder what they talk about.
I'm not really empty, but I feel that way right now.
And I know why.
But it's pathetic.
Someone tell me something exciting. Because I can't think of anything at the moment. |
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| I haven't done nearly as much about college as I should have done. However, I have been having fun. Though I guess I should save that for next semester, which is going to be amazing.
One Song tech direc oh six - oh sev. I'm excited. One Song kids are pretty sweet.
I'm going to visit my friend from SCAD on her birthday. Holy shit. I'm so excited.
I'm not sure why I'm saying any of this...I guess I'm just in the mood to talk about myself.
It's interesting. I feel like I change more and more as every week goes by. I'm far less insecure and modest than I used to be, even from a month ago. I guess I've stopped caring what people think almost entirely.
And on the note of not caring what people think, I think I'll bitch a bit. I was told recently that I'm too young for someone. Someone who didn't seem to mind before. And maybe that stunted my growth a bit. I would hate to think that my personal development had anything to do with what someone else says, and probably it doesn't. But I mean really...do I seem particularly young? I don't think so. It was probably just an excuse to make me leave the person alone, considering that our age gap is not particularly wide, and certainly hasn't widened. Well, whatever. I know the person wouldn't waste time reading the nearly abandoned blog of a little high school girl. So I'll stop bitching. There's nothing left to be done.
I'm just so ready to get out of here. |
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| Well. It appears that I have a broken heart. I'll admit it freely. It's not like he'd ever read this.
I hate when people tell me lies that they think won't hurt my feelings. The fact that I'm being lied to, the fact that they think I can't take the truth, is what hurts the most.
P.S.: Sumiko, that "Start Wearing Purple" song has been stuck in my head all day. It's catchy; it makes me want to see the movie. |
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